For those of you disgusted by the new Syracuse aquarium here are my thoughts

        County Executive Ahab and the $100,000,000 White Whale

The writer Oscar Wilde’s statement that life imitates art is playing out before us. Like Captain Ahab in Herman Melville’s Moby Dick whose obsession over the great white whale cost him his life, his crew and his ship, our County Executive has “sunk” $85 million of our money into an aquarium.

Without any public comment, the County Executive has led his compliant crew (the Republican County legislators) on a quixotic adventure that will sink as fast as Ahab’s ship. Now that a mutiny is in the offing and no more public funds made available, potential donors should consider the following.

While we have been known as the Salt City, we are not the Saltwater City, and an aquarium does not represent us any more than would a snowmobile museum in Miami. But if a donor wants to waste a few million, the history of our lakes and waterways should be given consideration when naming parts of this monstrosity.

“The Onondaga Lake Allied Chemical Pavilion.” This would honor the past treatment our community leaders gave to Onondaga Lake, a body of water that until recently was so polluted no self-respecting Great white shark bent on self-preservation would dare venture into. Here, visitors would be able to view the ethyl benzene, xylene and chlorinated benzene chemical displays as well as the famous mercury tank that houses the thermometer fish.

“The Erie Canal Hall”. We once had a canal but in an effort to upstage Venice, we filled ours in with concrete. To commemorate this municipal foresight that ranks on par with the location of the baseball stadium, visitors would be treated to exhibits honoring Erie Blvd stalwarts such as McDonald’s and Wendy’s. In keeping with these exhibits, warm breaded pier scrapings also known as fast-food fish sandwiches would be served at the snack bar.

And of course, the aquarium should have a name. “The Destiny Mall Tax Break Aquarium” comes to mind, or for a nautical theme, “Titanic.” Before another dime is spent, we taxpayers should demand that the money be put to a better use. The list of potential improvements to our community is extensive, such as education, the removal of lead pipes and upgrading our water system. Or we can renovate some of our older more beautiful buildings as opposed to erecting a modern structure that will make the hideous Everson Museum of Art look good.

If County Executive Ahab is bent on providing a form of recreation for county residents, there are a couple of obvious alternatives that could be made into county parks for a fraction of the aquarium’s cost. Toggenburg Mountain has sat vacant for three years and Four Seasons is up for sale. To reopen these venues would be inexpensive and give people the opportunity to exercise—skiing, hiking and snowshoeing. In the aquarium, the only thing that will get exercise are the fish.

In the meantime, as County Executive’s Ahab’s vanity project continues to plow forward, we taxpayers should remember what whaling ship lookouts yelled when they spotted their quarry as we watch our tax dollars disappear: “There she blows!”